If you happen to have kids who hook you into arguments with classic phrases like "It's not fair!" or "You don't love me anymore!" you might enjoy this strategy from the Love and Logic books. The caveat is that this is not for situations when the child is hurting or has a sincere concern, only when he is trying to manipulate you into a lose-lose argument.
Step 1: Smile and go brain dead. Try not to think too much. (The more words that come out of your mouth, the more ammunition kids have to keep the argument going!)
Step 2: Become a broken record by responding to each of the child's statements with the same "one-liner." It is critically important that these phrases be delivered with sincerity and empathy, and without anger, frustration, or sarcasm. (Usually those three fuel the fire, and allow the child the "easy out" of being mad at you instead of thinking about her choices, behavior, consequences, etc.) Some one-liners you might try are:
- Probably so.
- Nice try!
- What a bummer!
- How sad for you!
- I bet it feels that way.
- I love you too much to argue with you about that.
So, the whole thing might go something like this:
Child: You never let me do what I want!
Parent: I love you too much to argue with you about that.
Child: But Sally always gets to do what she wants!
Parent: I love you too much to argue with you about that.
Child: Yeah, that's because you like Sally better than me!
Parent: I love you too much to argue with you about that. Come talk to me later about something fun. See you, sweetie!
If you try the strategy, I hope it is helpful. Let me know how it turns out! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please feel free to share your feedback! Of course, you are always welcome to call or email me to share your thoughts less publicly as well. :)