Parenting Idea: Discipline

Here are some ideas from another of my favorite parenting books: Kids Are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso. She believes that discipline by parents should be a process intended to guide children in developing their own self-discipline, not punish or reward them. She lists four steps to follow when the need for discipline arises:

1. Show children what they have done wrong. You don't need to lecture, but may need to clarify where their mistake was or what behavior caused the problem.

2. Give them ownership of the problem. You might say something like "The problem is.... I know you can handle it."

3. Help them find ways of solving the problem. This is where the child gets to do a lot of thinking. You can collaborate and offer suggestions if needed. One way to judge possible solutions is by asking: Is it unkind? Is it hurtful? Is it unfair? Is it dishonest?

4. Leave their dignity intact. Speak respectfully- don't say anything to the child that you wouldn't say to your favorite pastor or another person you think is really important! Make sure any consequences or interventions are natural or reasonable, not simply intended to punish, humiliate, etc.

In raising her own children, Coloroso wanted them to learn that when they have a problem, what they need is a good plan, not a good excuse!

For situations in which a child has intentionally or unintentionally created serious problems of great consequence, Coloroso's 3 R's can be incorporated into the problem-solving step above (step 3). They are:

1. Restitution: fixing both the physical damage and the personal damage caused by the child's actions- assuming responsibility for the damage and attempting to "make it right."

2. Resolution: figuring out ways to make sure this does not happen again- having a plan and a commitment to carry out that plan.

3. Reconciliation: healing with the person you have harmed- working to rebuild the relationship/trust.

I know this is a pretty brief description of such big concepts! If you would like more information or would like me to send home a copy of this chapter in Coloroso's book, just call or email anytime!