What To Do About Whining

I received the following information from the Love and Logic parenting email list. I thought some of you might be interested- whining is one of the issues that I hear about fairly often from parents!

Unlike fine wine, whining does not become more pleasant with age. Nope. If you've ever been on a whinery tour, or spent time around a really whiney kid, you know this!

Just the other day my wife and I went on one of these tours, not through the Napa valley, but in our very own home. The sound was as pleasant as a skill-saw ripping though plywood and it was coming out of our own kid! Okay, now you know. Our kids act up too. And yes, sometimes it's because we've let our Love and Logic skills slip.

So, what sort of "skill slippage" led to this sad state of affairs in the Fay household? The answer boils down to just three mistakes on our part:

• Giving them what they want when they ask in a whiney way.
• Whining at them about their whining.
• Allowing them to treat us like doormats.

The good news is that we can flip these mistakes and make them solutions:

• Set this limit: "I give things to kids who can talk like I'm talking right now." (Of course, it's wise to avoid whining as we say this!)
• Bite your tongue and allow your actions, not giving them what they are whining for, to do the talking.
• Expect them to "replace your energy" when they "drain" it by whining. This consequence involves having our kids do a variety of helpful things (extra chores, staying home or even paying for a baby-sitter while parents go on a date night, etc) that charge our batteries when they've been run down with misbehavior. Have you noticed that whining really "drains your energy?"

Dr. Charles Fay

Love and Logic

Thanks for reading, TPS families! We're glad you're here!