When Kids Act Up in Public

Here is another idea from the Love and Logic people, one to help when kids repeatedly misbehave in public. In the Love and Logic books, they call this a "strategic training session." Basically it is a thoughtful, well-designed big whammy of a disciplinary strategy for serious behavior problems. It does require a little advance planning and cooperation, but you will probably only have to use it once or twice. Read this story from the Love and Logic email list for an example, and I'll give you more information below.

Veronica came to the fourth session of her Becoming a Love and Logic Parent® class anxious to get help with a festering problem with Jake. Twelve-year-old Jake decided that he no longer needed to listen to his mom. His growth spurt now made him taller than her.

"I was so embarrassed on our last 'movie day.' I'd saved money to take him and his little brother to the movies. You should have been there. He wouldn't take his feet off the back of the seats in front of us and he made one loud nasty remark after another during the movie. Several of the patrons even told him to settle down. I just didn't know what to do."

A couple of the class members offered to help Veronica design a Love and Logic training session for Jake. They had fun putting the plan together.

On their next "movie day," big sixteen-year-old Preston appeared at her door just before they were ready to leave for the theater. He was the son of one of her fellow Love and Logic class members.

"I'm here to babysit you, Jake. I understand that you acted like a fool the last time you went to the show, so you're not going this time. By the way, this is going to cost you big time. I hope you've got fifteen dollars 'cause I've got better things to do with my time than sit around the house with someone who doesn't know how to act in public."

"Hey," yelled Jake. "I'm not staying with you, and I'm not paying. I'm leaving!"

"Fine, kid. Your mom says that if you don't pay, I can go through your room and take anything I want as payment. Have it your way."

Little did Jake know that this plan had been hatched at Mom's parenting class. What do you think will happen the next time this family goes out in public?

Jim Fay, Love and Logic

Sure, it is a pretty tough, serious consequence, but sometimes those are exactly what you need for a problematic behavior when you know your child can do better and is just choosing to be a pain! The Love and Logic people say to try a "strategic training session" when you have the following four things:

1: Time (don't try this when you are running through Wal-Mart on your way to church, for example :))
2. Energy
3. Someone to support your actions (spouse, friend, older sibling, family member, etc.)
4. You have rehearsed and feel fully ready to practice your new technique

Another example I have read about is for a child who misbehaves at Wal-Mart, arrange a friend or family member to be waiting in the parking lot the next time you expect misbehavior. When the child starts misbehaving and continues despite your warning, make a quick call to the waiting adult's cell phone. They can come in, take the child back to your house and have them sit in their room (or sit in the car with them, or whatever) until you get home.

Think of the possibilities for clever, safe plans to help you when children act up in restaurants, bicker in the car, embarrass you at the ballfield, etc.! Find a creative friend or family member to gameplan with and have fun designing an intervention to get your children's attention and turn their misbehavior around. Good luck!