The Advantages of Arguing

Welcome back! I hope you and your families had a festive and restful winter break and enjoyed the time away from school.

I heard this story on the radio yesterday. The research is about teens, but it seems to me that you'd start laying this foundation much earlier in life.

The basic idea is that teens who argued with their parents were 40% more likely to resist peer pressure to drink alcohol or do drugs. "Child psychologist Richard Weissbourd says the findings bolster earlier research that finds that 'parents who really respect their kids' thinking and their kids' input are much more likely to have kids who end up being independent thinkers and who are able to resist peer groups.'"

"Almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it's the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference. 'We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground,' the researcher, Joseph Allen, says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job."

However, not all arguments are created equal, of course. "Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says."

You can read the whole story here if you'd like: http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01/03/144495483/why-a-teen-who-talks-back-may-have-a-bright-future?ps=cprs

If you are interested in reading more about raising independent, responsible thinkers, two books you might like are Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, and Kids Are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso. In short, those authors believe that parents should absolutely set the rules and take an authoritative role in the home, but if we go too far and teach kids to obey us without question, input, or thinking, we may find that when they are teenagers they stop listening to us altogether and start listening to their peers the way we taught them: without question, input, or thinking. Yikes!

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