Encouragement

Here's another idea I like from the book Kids Are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso. She says that encouraging a child means that one or more of the following six critical life messages is coming through in either your words or your actions:

• I believe in you.
• I trust you.
• I know you can handle this.
• You are listened to.
• You are cared for.
• You are very important to me.

Coloroso says encouragement should be spontaneous (not flattery or a calculated strategy to shape behavior) and that an easy rule of thumb is to match the child's level of excitement. For example, if Suzie leaps into the air in excitement after riding down the block without training wheels, leap with her or match that level of enthusiasm! If she turns around and flashes a huge grin, give her your biggest smile instead. Sometimes all that is needed is your presence, a smile, or hug.

The author also says "Encouragement can come at any time. It is nonjudgmental, and it emphasizes the child's importance by expressing confidence and trust in the child. It inspires; it imparts courage and confidence; it fosters and gives support. It helps a child develop a sense of self-pride and enhances internal motivation. There is no hint of coercion or desire to control behavior... The message that comes through is that, even in the face of adversity, they can do well and feel good about themselves."

I hope this all makes sense in isolation! It is part of a larger discussion in the book that distinguishes between praise and encouragement. If you'd like me to photocopy the chapters for you, just let me know. To me, the heart of the idea is those six critical life messages. If we know that our children feel our authentic expression of those, it seems to me like we're laying a pretty strong foundation for their growth and development. :)