One of the personal choices all parents must make is whether or not to spank as part of their discipline plan. Of course, every family is different, and every parent makes their own decision about spanking based on their family’s values and needs. For those of you who might be interested in information on the effects of spanking, I thought I’d share an article I came across recently, along with some material from the book Parenting With Love and Logic.
The news article says research shows that children who are spanked are more likely to be defiant, throw temper tantrums, and become frustrated easily. I know this sounds strange and the opposite of what we'd think, but spanking may make behavior worse instead of better! The doctors in the article say this happens because spanking makes kids feel insecure, powerless, and trapped or backed into a corner. When children feel that deep sense of disconnection, they tend to act aggressive or seek revenge in other situations. If you'd like to read the whole article, click here.
The news article says research shows that children who are spanked are more likely to be defiant, throw temper tantrums, and become frustrated easily. I know this sounds strange and the opposite of what we'd think, but spanking may make behavior worse instead of better! The doctors in the article say this happens because spanking makes kids feel insecure, powerless, and trapped or backed into a corner. When children feel that deep sense of disconnection, they tend to act aggressive or seek revenge in other situations. If you'd like to read the whole article, click here.
The authors of the Love and Logic book, Foster Cline and Jim Fay, actually changed their stance on spanking between the first and second editions of their book, based on recent research about physical punishments. From Parenting With Love and Logic (pages 221-222): “There are many good reasons to avoid the use of spankings:
1. Empathy and logical consequences are far more powerful than spanking because they teach problem-solving skills.
2. Spanking fails to teach the behaviors we want kids to emulate later in life.
3. Most kids would rather receive a spanking than have to think about their poor choice (and be held accountable for their decision.)
4. More recent research tells us that spanking has many negative side effects, such as anger, resentment, and the desire for revenge.
5. Our kids may someday choose our nursing homes.” (Ha!)
Of course, if you decide not to spank, you may be left with the question of what other effective consequences you can use to help children learn self-control and respectful, responsible behavior. I will put a list of the possibilities I've come across in my next post (since this is quickly turning into a very long one!) In the meantime, please feel free to comment on this post to share any non-physical consequences or techniques that work well for your family!
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