I thought I'd mention an idea that I've seen in at least two parenting books (Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey). It is equally applicable to families where everything is going well and families that are having trouble of some kind, doesn't have to cost a dime, and has no complicated rules or strategies. And, both authors say that it can lessen sibling rivalry!
What is this revolutionary idea? It is scheduling regular opportunities for each parent to have one-on-on time with each child individually. Just the two of you, with your undivided attention and no interruptions or distractions. (This is not the time to cook dinner or answer the phone.) The authors advise letting the child choose how the time is spent (within reason, of course) and being a good sport, even if you dislike the activity they choose. You may dread playing Barbies, but the fact that you put a smile on your face and give it your best shot will make your child feel incredibly important. Your "special time" might be as simple as sitting down for breakfast at McDonald's before school/work, or snuggling up to read books at home. Another piece of advice is to let the child talk about whatever he wants for as long as he wants during his special time, while you try focus on listening, understanding, and connecting instead of advising or correcting. Also, this time should be guaranteed- not given as a reward for good behavior or taken away for punishment.
This is certainly not to say that family time, time with siblings, or a child's time with both parents are not important and wonderful too. One-on-one time is just an invaluable way to truly connect and build a relationship between a parent and a child, just as it is between a husband and a wife. The authors say that parents who spend one-on-one time with their children regularly and well will probably notice less sibling rivalry and less attention-seeking behaviors. If you try it in your home, feel free to let me know what you think!
What is this revolutionary idea? It is scheduling regular opportunities for each parent to have one-on-on time with each child individually. Just the two of you, with your undivided attention and no interruptions or distractions. (This is not the time to cook dinner or answer the phone.) The authors advise letting the child choose how the time is spent (within reason, of course) and being a good sport, even if you dislike the activity they choose. You may dread playing Barbies, but the fact that you put a smile on your face and give it your best shot will make your child feel incredibly important. Your "special time" might be as simple as sitting down for breakfast at McDonald's before school/work, or snuggling up to read books at home. Another piece of advice is to let the child talk about whatever he wants for as long as he wants during his special time, while you try focus on listening, understanding, and connecting instead of advising or correcting. Also, this time should be guaranteed- not given as a reward for good behavior or taken away for punishment.
This is certainly not to say that family time, time with siblings, or a child's time with both parents are not important and wonderful too. One-on-one time is just an invaluable way to truly connect and build a relationship between a parent and a child, just as it is between a husband and a wife. The authors say that parents who spend one-on-one time with their children regularly and well will probably notice less sibling rivalry and less attention-seeking behaviors. If you try it in your home, feel free to let me know what you think!
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